happy blues

And just as I was about to say that I can't stand to wear sweaters for six long months...mother nature has granted warmth up here.

Wow, it got hot all of a sudden! I cannot stress how much I adore New England "heat," which is not really super hot and not really all that humid. Just lovely heat that lasts long enough to make good use of the balcony, perfect the iced coffee recipe, enjoy some swimming in Mendum's Pond (which reminds me so much of northern Minnesota with the red pines, rocky little islands, clear cold water...sigh). I *might* have enjoyed some skinny dipping there last year.

Poor Zoe has not had the chance to catch up. After all, it's in the 30's at night, and she still has her winter coat on. The Zoe fur is accumulating like tumble weeds while she frantically tries to shed the warmth. Remind me to post about her, ahem, interactions with a male hound dog twice her age. Me-ow! And her subsequent cold shoulder after he rebuffed her very unabashed advances. Actually, that's all you need to know. I was slightly horrified and really kinda grossed out, truth be told.

Anyhoodle, it's a great day for the blues. Delta blues, courtesy of my little sis. Swimming season, coming soon!

travels and like-minded souls

there have been too many wonderful things in my life recently to note them all right now. but let's just say, traveling to n.c. with wendy, listening to music in the mountains, and meeting like-minded souls have all been experiences to treasure. i returned home literally glowing with happiness.

on the other hand, i like returning home to my dog, my space, some land too!

i plan on spending some time getting seeds started for the garden this weekend. lovely! it's going to be warm enough for a sundress, sandals, beer on the balcony watching the sunset. banjo tunes will be played. !!!

more later on all my travel adventures.

The Distillery

It was a long road to get there
full of switchbacks, speed bumps, dead-ends
the weary traveler enters in
and a rough look on my face,
torn jeans, dirty boots,
but I think I found the place.

Lush valley full of echoes
and a fog that settles in.

You danced on soft worn floors
I sat near the side,
a flowered cotton dress
on such a grey-eyed mess
I knew I was in for a ride.

Down at the distillery
At the bottom of the hill
The fires still burn brightly
But the candle never will

Balance and swing,
a gypsy’s call to souls
a rush of color blurred by flight
Later I ran to greet you,
carrying elderberry wine
and my shining eyes
caught yours winking in the light.
That courting candle, could it burn bright?

That creek was cold and clear
My bare feet flat on rocks
I let waterfalls rush over me
and never thought of fear.

Lush valley full of echoes
and a fog that settles in.

Down at the distillery
At the bottom of the hill
The fires still burn brightly
But the candle never will

And the still’s cold tin walls
press on my skin.
Volumes of our time,
this filter I am in
pure sweet taste
down to one bitter drop
swallow it now and be done.

Two sentences on paper
An ocean behind us,
a desert ahead,
one candle wick cold
cheap wine and rye whiskey
was all that was ever made.

Spring cleaning

It's still *officially* winter here in NH, snow is still on the ground, but the cold days are now interspersed with warmer sunshine and chirping birds. I have my annual spring head cold, so it must soon be spring. And so, time for spring cleaning, of sorts.

This year, it involves emotional cleansing. Detox, cleanse, purify.

I am dealing with two very painful matters right now, and I'm proud to say I took a hard-line stance on both. One, a professional matter from graduate school in which my work was published without my knowledge. I took steps to remain professional and yet I put my foot down. The other, I managed my first true "break-up" of sorts in pure civility. It hurts really badly. But it was the most humane thing I could have done.

While I am proud I took these steps, and I stand by my decisions, it does not make the detox process any less painful. Kinda like drinking some awful smoothie made of raw green vegetables and some unmentionable liquids. You know it's gonna wipe out everything in your system, and it's gonna totally be miserable, but it'll clean everything out and allow you to improve faster.

Life isn't all donuts and coffee, unfortunately.

Confucious was a smart guy

"By three methods we may learn wisdom:
first, by reflection, which is noblest;
second, by imitation, which is easiest;
and third, by experience, which is the bitterest."

Departures

As we entwine more deeply,
your forearm snaked around my left elbow and wrist,
the soft sheets threaten to hold us in place
like butterflies pinned to cork by their fragile wings.

Tears ease a path to my pillow and your palm,
seeking a pool already soaked into cotton,
but your breath melts my shoulder and
steeps my spine in acceptance.

I think about the meaning behind your words.
You speak off-the-cuff, tactless and immediate.
Blunt butter knife that leaves me bleeding so slightly.
What am I to believe? You misspoke.
Or that you meant every quick comment.

I sometimes wonder why I beg you.
Please tell me something sweet. Remind me that you care.
Why do I ask? Only two months ago I never thought to.
I never had to. You were glad to share happiness.

I call you handsome. You call me a grouch.
And our recent phone call was destiny, it seems.
My tears elicited your anger
and I sometimes realize this is unhealthy.
I’m amazed I don’t realize this more often.
I wish the metal rose would wilt,
hammered petals falling with my hopes.

But then I would have to admit
my assessment of you was incorrect.
Off by more than a mile.
Wiping the slate clean of my chalk scribbles
That I once considered handsome.

Fly

Sometimes, what we think we want we really don't. How many years until the healing begins and we learn from our patterns and truly discover ourselves? How can the mind fool us so terribly? How can our hearts mislead us to such dark corners?

I have not yet found the beauty in just letting go. It still just seems awful, painful, scary and unwanted. In that vein, the slightly comforting and motivational lyrics to "Fly."

Ain't no talkin' to this man
Ain't no pretty other side
Ain't no way to understand
the stupid words of pride
It would take an acrobat
and I already tried all that
I'm gonna let him fly

Things can move at such a pace
The second hand just waved goodbye
You know the light has left his face
But you can't recall just where or why
So there was really nothing to it
I just went and cut right through it
I said I'm gonna let him fly
Oh yeah

There's no mercy in a live wire
No rest at all in freedom
Choices we are given
It's no choice at all
The proof is in the fire
You touch before it moves away - yeah
But you must always know
How long to stay and when to go

And there ain't no talkin' to this man
He's been trying to tell me so
It took a while to understand
The beauty of just letting go
Cause it would take an acrobat
I already tried all that
I'm gonna let him fly
I'm gonna let him fly
I'm gonna let him fly