work in progress

Quick self-improvement update!

Last Friday, I forced myself to go to the monthly bluegrass jam, despite not having practiced my banjo in eons. I didn't lead any of the songs, but I strummed along in the background. Even that is really uncomfortable for me, however--anything that calls attention to me in the public eye is super tough for me to do. I seem to have some sort of low-level anxiety attacks. I always enjoy the jams, just not showing off how poorly I play. So I've decided to choose one song per month to practice and get ready for the following month's jam so I can actually lead a song each time. I'm hoping that by next summer, I'll be much more comfortable playing in front of other people so I can spend more time smiling at the jams instead of worrying about their perceptions of my playing abilities. It's a laid-back jam, not the Boston Pops. I need to keep this in mind!

This weekend, I made an effort to stifle my insecurities, worries and negative thoughts that tend to creep up. Instead, I tried my best to project my happier side. It seemed to work quite well, because all weekend I was surrounded by happiness from everyone I spent time with--exactly what I needed for more confidence. Feeling much better this week, which is a great way to start off a rainy Monday.