Just when I was about to give up on myself

You know that feeling: you've had it up to here, you're frustrated, tired, you've psyched yourself out of a new challenge, you've decided you just can't do it. We've all been there (some of us more than we care to admit). It's enough to put a good-sized dent in your ego, large enough to let the doubts creep in. "Maybe I'm not cut out for this!" Time to give up, pack it in, and then that glum feeling of not being good enough to tackle the challenge is all-consuming for me. It literally ruins my night, and sometimes taints my emotions the next day, too.

Those feelings in that moment are telling you to take a break. Come back to it later. Let it rest in your subconscious, whatever mental or physical obstacle is in your path, just let it sit there for a while--a day, a week, whatever it takes. But come back to it when you're more relaxed. Chances are, you've worked through the issues in your brain, and now you are ready to accept that challenge and conquer it.

For the chick who has always relished a scholastic challenge, all these new activity-related challenges are forcing me to take another look at how I handle obstacles I'm unaccustomed to facing. And, sad to say, I have found that I tend to act like a child, throwing a minor tantrum. I whine. I stomp around. I huff. "It's not fair!" Ugh, give me a break, little girl. Grow up already!

So I took a step back on three new activities: a particularly challenging route on a climbing wall that I attempted numerous times, only to run out of arm strength while stuck and then fell each time after saying "I can't do it, I give up!"; a tough spin on the pole (previous attempts of which left me slightly bruised and bloodied and ready to quit the class altogether); and baking sourdough bread.

A motley crew, that list.

Two weeks were all I needed. For two weeks, I completely forgot about the climbing. Didn't think about it at all. When I returned, I had a whole new perspective and was ready to use a different technique to conquer that route. I needed space before I was ready to meet that obstacle head-on.

For two weeks, I went over and over and over in my head the exact way I would enter into the pole spin, my leg positioning, I imagined the feel of the momentum and mentally practiced the routine. I came back to the class and managed to get through about a dozen not-half-bad spins that were slightly more graceful than previous attempts. For this challenge, I needed to prepare for it and build up the confidence needed to pull it off successfully.

The bread...that's another story. Since my first successful batch, I've attempted two newer batches that have failed during the rise. They just fell apart and turned all soupy and the yeast lost its elasticity. I tried warmer conditions, cooler conditions, plastic wrap, more rest time. Nothing seemed to work. Bread: 2, Becky: 1. Sourdough yeast is a tough competitor and is definitely not on the home team. I'm not ready to give up entirely, but I need some breathing space on this one before I can come back and tackle this again.

As an aside, I'm diving back into my banjo practice, starting from scratch with lessons from a new teacher. I have a feeling I'll need to put this newly acquired knowledge about myself to work for my music practices as well.