The Rut

Work, gym, eat, watch movie while knitting, sleep. Repeat. Not my preferred routine but here I am, stuck in this rut with no signs of change. Why? No snow for snowshoeing, too cold to get outside and experience life. Easy excuses. But really, why?

The answer was, at first, elusive. And then it hit me: I had stopped working on emotional self-improvement.

That's why I am stuck, bored, lethargic, zombie-like. My muscles are slowly toning up from the gym, but my brain and soul are in deep hibernation. I don't like this trajectory one bit. Wherefore art thou, balance?

So I revisited my Universe list I wrote two years ago. My friend Amie had told me about this list she made up of all the characteristics she wanted in a mate. She asked the Universe to find a mate that matched those qualities. A month later, she found her fiancee.

I wrote my own Universe list, edited it over and over again, and in that process I realized those are the very same characteristics I needed to manifest in my own life, behaviors I needed to improve for me to be happy with myself, above all else. I began to work on that list for self-improvement. And what do you know, four months after that list was finalized, I met Jeff.

But since then, I have lost touch with many of the traits on that list. "Can communicate well." My communication had essentially shut down recently, for various reasons. "Makes me laugh." When was the last time I experienced something on my own that made me laugh? I frowned. This was not a good sign.

And yet, the great thing about this realization is that now I know the cause for my symptoms. I can treat the real seed of this issue and thus erase my boredom, my zombie expression, my current passive method of living. It's time to shake things up! I have some good ideas that don't require snow to enjoy my life as it is right now in the dead of winter. I think the time has come to shake off that fog and get back in touch with the cool me I know I can be.

My goal: do one thing per day that allows me to change my routine, break out of my shell, get back to the me that I love, practice living actively and in the moment. It can be simple: meditation. It can be big: going to the indoor climbing gym nearby to try something new and somewhat scary. It's time to get back into the life I want to live.