A better outlet for anxiety

I've got to be honest here, although vague: I've been going through some challenging times in my personal life. My path is obscured a bit. I feel a little lost and unsure. My creativity, my energy seem to be sapped from my life a lot more than I hoped.

When life feels like it's falling down around me, I take solace in creating something beautiful to offset any urge for self-destruction to which I am prone.

One tangible, the other not, my two latest creative endeavors fulfill vastly different emotional needs of mine.

The tangible: Beauty, comfort and security in the form of a quilt. Old jeans, washed and worn until soft, deconstructed into strips only to be reconstructed into a warm blanket. Broken-in denim, sewing project scraps, donated Bahama shorts and indigo material from Africa, all cut freehand, unruly, sewn messily together to create a blue and purple evening sky palette. The back: extremely soft blue flannel, an old bed sheet now put to another use. A great resource for reused crafts: http://craftingagreenworld.com/.

The intangible: A weekly class that I sense will bring out the charismatic goddess inside of me. Time to cast aside the shy outer shell for protection, this class is pushing my boundaries, both physically and mentally. Fun, supportive and challenging, it forces me to live in the present, forget my troubles, become my alter-ego for an hour and focus on the beauty we all have inside by bringing it to the surface.

Thoughts for a meaningful 2011

"Fostering creativity is an exercise in developing your soul and your intellect. It allows you to experience life more profoundly and vibrantly. A life soaked in the elixir of creativity is a life spent in the eternal now. Through creative living, every moment is meaningful."
~Barrie Davenport, How to Live a Meaningful Life

Once upon a time, I was a very creative little girl. My imagination was fierce, all types of art and exploration filled my life and beauty seemed everywhere. Science taught me to focus my energies in a way that stimulated my intellect but didn't nurture my creativity as much as when I was young. I woke up in a fog, wondering when the beauty had left my life. In recent years--after I finished graduate school and had more time to relax--creativity has seeped back into my life. It ebbs and flows, and despite my lack of true artistic ability, I enjoy dipping my toes in those waters once again. I have missed that beauty more than I realized.

"A meaningful life is a process of creation. Like Michelangelo, you must first see the angel in the marble, then begin to carve away to set him free. Decide what is meaningful for you. Who do you want to be? How do you want to live your life? What kind of relationships do you want? Have a vision of your perfect life.

"Then begin carving to create that life. Carve away the excesses that pull you away from what matters most to you. Carve away the limitations, behaviors and beliefs that prevent you from fully enjoying the beauty and creativity of life. As you carve, keep your vision in mind and watch with wonder and discovery as you reveal the angel inside of you.

"A meaningful life is an evolution. It is both the practice of carving and creating. It is the daily awareness and work you do to reveal and refine your authentic self--through relationships, balance, beauty, creativity and personal growth. Today, go create your own meaningful life." ~Barrie Davenport

Okay, so maybe Barrie went a tiny bit overboard with this theme, angels and the like, but I think she has the right idea. I have a sneaking suspicion that my push towards continued personal growth will be very much tied into my need to foster creativity, expand my boundaries, explore new options, let go of fear and try new adventures, surround myself with beauty, inside and out.

"How we live our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." ~Annie Dillard